頭腦風(fēng)暴？亮點(diǎn)挖掘？51offer金牌文書顧問賀新花打造優(yōu)質(zhì)專屬文書的秘籍

顧問姓名：Daisy 賀新花

顧問簡(jiǎn)介：51offer金牌文書顧問，英語(yǔ)專業(yè)八級(jí)，雅思寫作7.5，從事文書寫作工作5年+，其出色的溝通能力、寫作水平廣受學(xué)生好評(píng)。在文書寫作中，Daisy老師善于站在學(xué)生的角度去思考問題，挖掘?qū)W生經(jīng)歷中的閃光點(diǎn)，凸顯自身的優(yōu)勢(shì)和獨(dú)特性。其文書風(fēng)格會(huì)根據(jù)學(xué)生的經(jīng)歷而進(jìn)行相應(yīng)變化，文筆流暢自然，條理清晰且嚴(yán)謹(jǐn)。服務(wù)過的學(xué)生無(wú)一不夸贊其耐心、細(xì)心、專業(yè)！

擅長(zhǎng)領(lǐng)域：英、澳、新、港等多國(guó)/地區(qū)本科、碩士文書寫作

案例分享

案例A

IC - 林同學(xué)

林同學(xué)在南京就讀本科，專業(yè)是生物科學(xué)類（生態(tài)方向），意向申請(qǐng)生物多樣性、生態(tài)保護(hù)相關(guān)專業(yè)，目標(biāo)院校IC和UCL。

在了解了林同學(xué)的學(xué)術(shù)背景和個(gè)人經(jīng)歷后，Daisy老師和林同學(xué)進(jìn)行了語(yǔ)音溝通，對(duì)兩個(gè)學(xué)校的文書寫作進(jìn)行了頭腦風(fēng)暴。經(jīng)過一番溝通，Daisy老師提出了一個(gè)寫作框架，林同學(xué)表示非常認(rèn)同。

基于頭腦風(fēng)暴的溝通，Daisy老師在后續(xù)的文書寫作中以林同學(xué)小時(shí)候熱愛閱讀各種自然相關(guān)的書籍和觀看生物保護(hù)的紀(jì)錄片引出興趣來源，層層深入，闡述了林同學(xué)學(xué)習(xí)生物學(xué)的學(xué)術(shù)夢(mèng)。然后延著這一條主線，繼而描述了林同學(xué)在本科期間為深造而做的各種準(zhǔn)備，如努力學(xué)習(xí)獲得優(yōu)異的成績(jī)，抓住每一個(gè)機(jī)會(huì)去參加科研、實(shí)地考察、環(huán)保和生物多樣性保護(hù)、全球變暖等主題志愿者活動(dòng)，以及實(shí)習(xí)等，把課堂所學(xué)到的知識(shí)運(yùn)用到實(shí)踐中，在實(shí)踐中加深了對(duì)自然界的認(rèn)識(shí)，提高了專業(yè)技能和軟實(shí)力。

Daisy 老師憑借深厚的文書寫作功底將林同學(xué)的留學(xué)動(dòng)機(jī)、個(gè)人經(jīng)歷和優(yōu)勢(shì)、與目標(biāo)課程的匹配程度、職業(yè)規(guī)劃等以清晰的結(jié)構(gòu)和嚴(yán)密的邏輯展現(xiàn)出來，最終，功夫不負(fù)有心人，林同學(xué)圓了IC夢(mèng)，同時(shí)還拿到了UCL的offer。

PS中的一個(gè)片段：

My exceptional performance in daily study and all sorts of classroom learning activities captured the attention of our academic staff, and thus I was invited to join their research projects and recommended by them to other research groups in which our school's graduate and doctoral students were carrying out various research projects on ecology studies and species conservation. In the summer of 2019, I had the privilege to shadow the graduate students of the Lab of Animal Behavior and Conservation to study the social network of Pere David's deer in Dafeng Milu National Nature Reserves Jiangsu China. One-month up-close observation led us to a good grasp of the daily activities, living habits and mating patterns of Pere David's deer, and the role of Pere David's deer in an ecosystem; and what's more, the data we gathered on the above aspects offered a firm foundation for the implementation of our practical research. Admittedly, the experience bestowed a distinct opportunity upon me to fathom the symbiotic ecological model of forest, grass, water, deer and bird and the complete Pere David's deer ecosystem, as well as delve into the local ecological construction, species protection and rational utilization of natural resources. At the same time, I got a glimpse of some problems in the National Nature Reserves, like simplex method of species conservation and indifference to the development of the whole ecosystem, all of which set me thinking on how to construct a complete food chain and manage the Cascade Effect in the National Nature Reserves. It was this experience that hardened my determination to commit to ecological and biodiversity conservation. In addition, I elevated my skills in experimental design and implementation, data statistics and analysis, as well as ability to pay close attention to details and research capability by assisting doctoral students of Lab of Animal Behavior and Conservation to study the asymmetry in Eriocheir sinensis. Most importantly, the paper, Signs of Claw Asymmetry Appear in a Homochelate Crab co-written by the team and me was indexed by SCI (Science Citation Index).

林同學(xué)在各個(gè)方面出色的表面贏得了老師們的青睞，從而獲得了難得的機(jī)會(huì)跟隨他們做研究項(xiàng)目，有一篇研究論文還被SCI 收錄了。不僅如此，他還在Dafeng Milu National Nature Reserves Jiangsu China進(jìn)行實(shí)踐實(shí)習(xí)，這段經(jīng)歷給予他的不僅僅是專業(yè)知識(shí)和技能的收獲，還有對(duì)自然保護(hù)區(qū)存在一些問題的思考，也進(jìn)一步堅(jiān)定了林同學(xué)致力于生物多樣性保護(hù)的決心。

案例B

UCL - 徐同學(xué)

徐同學(xué)就讀于大連的一所大學(xué)，本科專業(yè)為應(yīng)用化學(xué)（中外合作辦學(xué)），均分84，計(jì)劃申請(qǐng)化學(xué)相關(guān)碩士專業(yè)，最終錄取的院校有UCL、新加坡國(guó)立大學(xué)、愛丁堡大學(xué)、香港科技大學(xué)。

在文書寫作中，Daisy 老師將徐同學(xué)小時(shí)候參觀表哥的個(gè)人實(shí)驗(yàn)室這一經(jīng)歷放在開頭段來引出徐同學(xué)的興趣來源，繼而通過同學(xué)的學(xué)術(shù)收獲、本科專業(yè)的特色、實(shí)驗(yàn)經(jīng)驗(yàn)、實(shí)習(xí)經(jīng)歷一一凸顯學(xué)生是有能力去攻讀化學(xué)碩士學(xué)位，Daisy 老師妙筆生花，用生動(dòng)的表達(dá)將一個(gè)上進(jìn)、好學(xué)、注重把所學(xué)到的專業(yè)知識(shí)運(yùn)用到實(shí)踐的學(xué)生呈現(xiàn)給了招生官。

PS中的部分片段：

My first exposure to chemistry was when I was 9 years old. My cousin ecstatically invited me to have a visit to his "Chemistry Lab", where the different shapes of bottles and many-hued reagents and drugs instantly drew my eyes, and I marveled at how a small piece of silver-white solid (sodium (Na)) quickly turned into a fast-moving ball floating on the water surface after being put into the water. This is where my budding interest in chemistry comes from, and after that, I grew to love to analyse the ingredient list of all kinds of stuff, like facial cream, cleansing cream, sodas and health care products, and envisage how different functional groups can react, and what happens. I also studied extremely hard in high school, with a view to getting into a chemistry-related undergraduate programme. 

類似一個(gè)故事的寫作方式牽出學(xué)生對(duì)chemistry 的興趣。

Quite frankly, I relish doing chemical experiments either alone or with my team in the lab to analyse and test all kinds of compounds, and then employ research findings to create new compounds that are useful in many aspects of human life or find a new, more efficient process to use for the production of an established product. Giving full play to what I have learnt to do something good for humanity, like addressing water contamination problems, always gives me a sense of fulfillment. This dedication spirit also impels me to take an active part in chemical projects or experiments initiated by our professors, and in college students' innovation projects. One of my practical highlights was that I led my team to successfully synthesize a new-type photosensitive MOFs material available for targeted therapy.

一個(gè)化學(xué)從業(yè)者往往具備出色實(shí)驗(yàn)?zāi)芰?，而這一段的撰寫不僅表現(xiàn)了徐同學(xué)具有實(shí)驗(yàn)經(jīng)驗(yàn)同時(shí)也展現(xiàn)了作為一名化學(xué)從業(yè)人員的初衷——奉獻(xiàn)，讓這個(gè)世界變得更好。

部分學(xué)生評(píng)價(jià)